Long-distance train operator CrossCountry has announced an expansion that will see about a quarter more seats available on its trains.

Oh, joyous news from the realm of rail travel! CrossCountry, the beacon of inefficiency, has decided to grace us with an upgrade. Brace yourselves for an increase of about a quarter in seats, because clearly, the solution to all our commuter woes lies in cramming more bodies onto already overcrowded trains. With twelve shiny new trains set to debut by May 2025, we can all look forward to the delightful experience of being packed like sardines as we traverse from Aberdeen to Penzance and every uninspired stop in between.

But fear not, dear passengers, for the existing Voyager trains, those stalwart vessels of discomfort, will receive a full refurbishment! Yes, rejoice as your worn-out seats are replaced and your ancient carriages are given a fresh lick of paint. And let’s not forget the temporary timetable changes, because what better way to alleviate overcrowding than by inconveniencing even more travelers? Truly, CrossCountry’s commitment to improving the passenger experience knows no bounds.