China criticized a bill in the US Congress that might lead to TikTok being banned in the United States, calling it unfair.

Oh, heavens forbid! TikTok, the beloved app of dance crazes and lip-syncing teenagers, is being hailed as a harbinger of doom for the West. Because, you know, nothing spells “threat to national security” quite like catchy tunes and viral challenges.

China, ever the villain in this drama, is up in arms over a proposed US bill that could potentially ban TikTok. Clearly, they’re just upset that their favorite data-mining operation might be disrupted.

But fear not, dear citizens, for we have three colossal cyber concerns to ponder. First up: TikTok’s insatiable appetite for data. Critics claim it’s like a vacuum cleaner sucking up every last byte of our personal information. But hey, who needs privacy when you can have viral videos, am I right?

Next on the list: the dreaded specter of Chinese espionage. Because obviously, every dance video you post is just another opportunity for Beijing to infiltrate your subconscious and brainwash you into submission. Who knew a few seconds of choreography could be so sinister?

And finally, let’s not forget the age-old fear of TikTok turning us all into mindless zombies. Because clearly, the only thing standing between us and the collapse of Western civilization is a bunch of teenagers filming themselves lip-syncing to pop songs.

So, as we brace ourselves for the impending apocalypse, let’s take solace in the fact that at least we’ll have some killer dance moves to go out on.