Ah, the Ballon d’Or, the awards ceremony that’s undergone more facelifts than a Hollywood superstar. The Ballon d’Or 2023: Where the World Stops to Say ‘Messi, You’re the Best… Again! From Sir Stanley Matthews to Lionel Messi, that golden ball has been passed around like the world’s most exclusive soccer trophy, even if it’s more of a golden blob nowadays.

Traditionally, it was all about your performance in a calendar year. But in 2022, they decided to embrace the chaos of the football season instead. So, who cares if you scored a hat-trick in a beach soccer game on New Year’s Eve, it won’t count anymore. Sorry!

And finally, let’s talk winners. Messi is the undisputed champ with eight Ballon d’Or trophies. Seriously, he’s collected so many, he’s probably using them as paperweights. Ronaldo’s the runner-up with five, and then there are the “could-have-beens” sharing third place with three apiece: Michel Platini, Johan Cruyff, and Marco van Basten. But come on, it’s Messi and Ronaldo’s world, and we’re all just playing in it.