Next year 2024, they’re deciding what to do with the wild horses in a North Dakota National Park.

Oh, joyous news from North Dakota! There are these 200 wild horses in a national park, and guess what? The National Park Service is contemplating whether to spoil all the fun and kick them out next year. Because who needs wild horses in a national park, right?

So, the Park Service, in its democratic glory, is taking public opinions on three riveting proposals: kick out the horses fast, kick them out slowly, or, you know, just do nothing. But why bother with public opinions when you’ve got Gov. Doug Burgum and Sen. John Hoeven on speed dial?

These horses are basically the rockstars of the park, with visitors treating them like A-list celebrities along the scenic road. But the Park Service, in all its wisdom, is questioning if these troublemaking, non-native horses really belong there. Spoiler alert: they don’t.

Even if, by some miracle, the horses get to stay, the Park Service has a genius plan to cut their numbers down to 35-60 animals. Because who wouldn’t want to mess with a herd that accidentally wandered into the park ages ago?

But wait, the wild horse advocates want a grander environmental review, dreaming of a genetically viable herd of at least 150 horses. Because who cares about reality when you can have bureaucratic proposals to either quickly or slowly eradicate the horses? It’s what Teddy Roosevelt would have totally signed up for, right?